A Fair Trade
by Splendid Shadows
Summary: Dante is being stubborn as usual, but Lady has ways to make him do what she wants. DxL pairing. Oneshot. R&R please!


**Title:** A Fair Trade  
**Rating: M** (Mind the rating, my dears!)  
**Pairing:** Dante x Lady  
**Status:** Complete since this is a one-shot.  
**Disclaimer:** Capcom owns the Devil May Cry series, not me!  
**Summary: **Lady has ways to make Dante do what she wants! ;)  
**A/N:** Holy cow, this is my first M-rated fic so I'm kind of nervous about it. Telling me what you think would be highly appreciated! Please no flames, but constructive criticism is always welcomed! Enjoy!

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With a loud bang Dante opened the door into the office proper. It was dark inside, which was strange since it was only the afternoon. He looked around a bit as he took off his leather gloves, and then strode towards his desk. 

'_Huh, maybe she's taking a nap or somethin','_ he thought as he seated himself in his red leather armchair. Dante knew Lady sometimes liked to take naps when demon hunting in the morning was extra strenuous. It never bothered him, but she was _full_ human and so she didn't have his legendary stamina.

'_Heh,'_ he grinned smugly as he doffed off his leather jacket. With nonchalant ease he flung it across the room and it landed on the coat rack by the front door.

'_Jackpot!'_

Rolling up the sleeves of his black turtleneck, he leaned back and was about to prop his feet up on the desk when he heard soft footsteps descending the stairs.

"Hey babe, is that you?" he asked casually as he tipped the chair back.

"Welcome home," Lady smiled as she reached the landing. Padding over to him in fluffy pink slippers, she stopped in front of the desk. "How did it go?"

"The usual," he shrugged as he reached into a drawer and took out a bottle of tomato juice. Popping the cap open, he took a few healthy chugs before sighing happily and setting the mostly empty bottle down. "It was a cake walk."

"Glad to hear it," she smiled softly as she watched him lick some red liquid from the corner of his lips. But her smile quickly faded as she caught sight of her present No. 1 pet peeve.

"You were taking a nap?" Dante asked as he eyed the tattered but still serviceable terrycloth robe she favoured. It was pale yellow in colour that brought out the dark brown in her currently tousled hair.

"No, I was … busy," Lady said carefully, glad that his full attention was on her right now. "Actually I wanted to talk to you about something."

"What?" Dante asked in exasperation, getting a sinking feeling on where this was heading.

"You know what it's about," Lady frowned as she eyed his bored expression.

"Look, I like my beard, OK? I think it makes me look more mature and manly," he folded his arms across his muscular belly. An obstinate look settled on his face, one that would brook no argument. His blue eyes also became a tad frostier, as if daring her to gainsay his statement.

Lady wasn't intimidated in the least. She'd always been the courageous type, and being married to Dante for years had only strengthened her resolve.

"I keep telling you, it's your actions that make you look either mature or immature. Having a beard, or should I say, a permanent 5 o'clock shadow, just makes you look like a slob," she said bluntly.

All he did was "humph!" very loudly and pointedly looked away.

Shaking her head in resignation, Lady began to undo her robe's belt. It looked like she'd have to use the big guns for this one …

"Well, then I propose that we make a deal," she said coolly as she let the soft belt slip through her fingers. "You let me take your 'beard' off, and in return …"

"And in return?" Dante couldn't help but look at her again.

Only his demonic balance kept him from falling over backwards.

Lady was holding open her robes, and he could hardly believe what she had on underneath it.

She was wearing a _tight_ red dress shirt that hugged her every curve and hill. The three top buttons were undone, giving him a nice view of the top of her breasts. The micro skirt she wore was black and made of shiny vinyl that seemed to accentuate the red, sheer, thigh-high stockings on her shapely legs.

Taking off her pink slippers, Lady sashayed over to her husband with a confident smirk on her lips. She let the yellow terrycloth robe frame her red and black outfit as she stood before him in all her beauteous, sexy glory.

"In return, I let you take _this_ off me," she made a sweeping gesture to her clothes. "Is that a fair trade, my dear?"

Any sense of Dante's male ego died a quick and painless death as his eyes were glued to her body. He dry swallowed and nodded dumbly before he could even consider her words.

'_Damn!'_ he thought when he caught sight of her victorious smile. _'Who knew the old lady had it in her? Heh, not that I'm complaining,'_ he smirked to himself.

She stood beside him and watched him as he stared at her taking off her robe. Lady let it drop to the wooden floor before seating herself on Dante's lap. Since his feet were still propped up on the desk she slid down his thighs till she was resting against his pelvis.

"Heehaw," he murmured as his wife straddled his waist. This was one cowgirl he wouldn't mind giving a ride to.

"Nuh uh," she wagged a finger in front of his face. "I get to shave you first."

"Be my guest," Dante grinned roguishly as he forced his arms to drop to his sides. His wife was obviously the one in control right now, and he didn't mind seeing where this would lead.

"Good boy," Lady puckered her lips and blew him a kiss. He licked his lips in return and she could see the heat rising in his eyes.

"You don't want to look like Santa anyway, right?" she grinned as she moved her right hand to her thigh.

"Come again?" he asked as his eyes trailed after her hand as it slowly moved up her thigh.

"You wear red all the time and have white hair. If you really did grow a full beard you'd look just like St. Nick," Lady laughed as she raised the micro skirt's hem. To his delight he saw that she was wearing a red garter belt, and tucked underneath it was … something.

She took that something out and with an expert flick of her wrist, flipped open the straight edged razor.

Lady did the same with her other hand and thigh, and produced a small face towel from the matching garter belt on her left leg.

"Jolly Old Saint Nick, huh?" Dante said after he could talk again. "Have you been a good little girl this year?"

"You know I haven't," she smiled wickedly at him.

"I guess you get a lump of coal for Christmas then," Dante smirked.

"Ooh, I think I know where it is," she grinned as she ground her groin against his.

He made an inarticulate noise at the pressure and grabbed her hips with both his hands.

"OK, you're _definitely_ getting that lump of coal for Christmas," he said hoarsely.

"Aww, do I have to wait that long to unwrap it?" she pouted at him.

"I dunno; can I unwrap you first?" he smiled as he leaned forward. Capturing her lips with his they passionately kissed till they had to part for want of breathe. Lady gasped for air as Dante leaned back against his chair once again.

"Damn, do you know how annoying it is to kiss a man with stubble on him?" she asked as she rubbed her cheeks and chin. His short facial hair felt like tiny spears pricking her skin, and it irritated her to no end. That was a major part of the reason why she wanted him clean-shaven.

"Sorry, babe, I don't swing that way," he winked at her playfully.

His wife grinned in response and bent down to riffle through her robe's pocket. She soon came back up with a small aerosol can of shaving cream.

"Have at me!" Dante said dramatically as he let his hands drop to his sides once more. Rolling her eyes at him; he was such a drama queen sometimes; she uncapped the aerosol can and liberally covered the lower part of his face in white foam.

Setting the shaving cream beside his forgotten tomato juice, she turned back to her husband and began to scrape away the offending hairs from his face.

As she did so, Dante couldn't keep his eyes from wandering over her body. The years of demon hunting she'd done had always kept her in excellent shape. And though the scars that criss-crossed her body would turn most people off, it only served to make his blood run hot with lust and love. This was one Lady who could take punishment and deal it out in return.

After she had done his right cheek, Lady stopped and leaned back against his thighs.

"OK, your turn," she smirked as she waited for his roving eyes to come to a decision. She didn't have long to wait as the blue orbs immediately fastened onto the buttons of her blouse.

With nimble fingers he undid them all and parted the material with eager anticipation.

Dante was not disappointed with what he saw.

Humming appreciatively at the sight, he stared at the red silk teddy she was wearing. It fitted her so well that it seemed painted on, and the black lace overlay done in a rose pattern just gave it that extra 'oomph'.

Eagerly his hands explored her torso, and Lady shuddered in delight as the rough pads of his fingers brushed against the tops of her breasts. He tugged at the silk ribbons keeping the teddy closed, but she smacked his hand away before he could untie them.

"The shirt counts as one item," she grinned at his disappointed, almost pouty, look. "One item per side."

"Well then, continue," Dante said with fake calm as he forced himself to relax. _'Shit, this woman knows how to drag it out,'_ he thought morosely, and wished that his leather pants and chaps weren't so tight.

Lady could only grin internally as she felt his 'lump of coal' push harder against the material of his pants. It served him right to wear tighter clothing than her!

With exaggerated care she began working on his left cheek, but soon grimaced as Dante began shaking his legs.

The half-demon didn't even notice it; he was too busy trying to keep himself from ripping Lady's clothes off and taking her right then and there. He didn't see her pointed look or her irritated growls as she tried to warn him that she was getting pissed.

When his legs still kept vibrating with restrained energy, she sighed explosively and snapped out, "stay still!"

She accentuated the command with a quick stroke of the straight edge razor across his left cheek.

His eyes widened in surprise as he felt some blood trickle from the cut.

Lady's nostrils flared as she glared at him, but to her approval he did as he was told. Dante's legs stopped moving; in fact, he went so still he was like a statue.

"Good," she smiled in self-satisfaction and then continued shaving his face. While she did so Lady took no particular care about the cut; she still went over it with the razor, and Dante felt the stinging sensation every time she did.

He watched as she wiped the blade with the face cloth every so often, and the material was stained white and red.

Lady wasn't worried that she'd offended Dante; she could still feel his arousal pressing against her. He liked it when they gave each other 'love marks', and since his body could heal mostly anything, he liked it when she was extra rough.

After what seemed like an eternity, she was done with his left side.

"All right, baby, you know what to do," Lady said as she spread her arms out in a surrendering manner.

His fingers instantly dug inside the micro skirt's waistline and gave it a harsh tug. The motion roughly jerked Lady but fortunately the skirt was made to rip away easily. It was buttoned at the back, but they unsnapped quickly and he threw the skirt across the room.

"Oh yeah, that's what I'm talking about," he whispered as he stared at the silk and lace panties that matched the teddy she wore.

"Yeah," she grinned as she stroked his smooth cheek with her hand. "This is so much better."

"One more to go?" he quirked an eyebrow at her.

She nodded silently and went to work on his chin and upper lip. Lady didn't mind it this time when Dante's hands went around her waist and massaged her there. He reveled in the feel of her smooth pale skin, and wondered what else he could take off of her. Well, it would be the rest of her clothes, if he had his way.

"Done!" she said happily as she finished shaving his face. Taking off all that stubble did made him look younger, but she preferred her men clean-shaven anyway.

"My turn," his grin turned predatory. His eyes fell on the ribbons keeping the front of her teddy closed. Like a kid opening his birthday present he all but tore the silk and lace open with his powerful hands.

"Nice," he murmured as he stared spellbound at her breasts.

"Definitely nice," she gave a throaty laugh at his reaction. He looked like he never saw her mounds before.

"Smooth as a baby's bottom," she purred as she rubbed his now smooth cheeks.

"Indeed," Dante grinned as he leaned forward and nuzzled her breasts with his face.

"That wasn't so bad, now was it?" Lady asked breathily as she threaded her fingers through his silvery hair.

"It was a fair trade, I guess," Dante managed to reply as he nibbled and licked at a coral pink nipple. "But guess what, Lady."

"_Wha_?" she asked/gasped as he did something devious with his tongue.

"Christmas is coming early this year!" he said as he stood up in one fluid motion. Carrying her bridal style, he all but flew to their bedroom so that he could give Lady her present.

And as he tossed her onto their bed and then tackled her into the mattress, he couldn't help but grin wildly. He'd never said he wouldn't grow _another_ beard, and he couldn't wait to see what she'd trade for it next.

* * *

**Additional A/N: **Hehehe, in an interview the DMC creators said that in DMC4 they planned on giving Dante a beard. Most fans I've seen have reacted negatively to it so … I (with the help of Lady of course) decided to do something about it. :) 


End file.
